Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
