I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
