The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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