I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
