Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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