Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
