He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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