My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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