He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i've created a new STD.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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