I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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