Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
