You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
