Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Congratulations! We have a period
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