capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
