i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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