made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
