she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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