Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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