Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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