If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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