there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
