I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
