too bad you live with your parents still
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
