Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
and you fell through a lawn chair
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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