We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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