Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
