Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
