As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The Olympian is in my bed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
