I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just tell him i said nine months
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
