Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
