So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real