he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out