Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i barfeds in our rink
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
