So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
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He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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