her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
