it wasn't lemon gatorade
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
