I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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