i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
