Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
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We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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