is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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