i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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