Got a toothbrush?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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