So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
