my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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