I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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