Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
