Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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