I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So. Much. Porn.
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