sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
