The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
