So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
