i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
