Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
