so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
