that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
