i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
