I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
